Exactly! What's a good silent fart in an elevator without it being stinky?Originally Posted by Mammy
Exactly! What's a good silent fart in an elevator without it being stinky?
Renowned Death Hag
I have learned an intersting thing about farts that have mystified me since I started farting. The enigma was: why, for the most part, that silent farts smell worse than loud noisy farts? The fart sound we all know and love is caused by escaping air passing through the anus at enough velocity to cause the anus to vibrate and emit the noise. If you are pre deficant (a colon full of shit for youse guys) the air must stop and pass through the fecal matter, picking up more methane, and more odor and slowing the velocity of the gas so it could not cause the vibration that makes the noise. If your colon is relatively empty, the gas can shoot through unimpeded, gathering speed and enough velovity to make a blast.
When I get a colonoscopy, they pump my trunk full of air. Passing air out my butt after the procedure that smells like air conditioning air is really novel for me.
"Farts and obese government officials falling down will always be funny" - Trigemestus
"Everybody is born, and everybody dies. Being born wasn't so bad , was it?"
Peter the Hermit
Renowned Death Hag
hahahaha!!!!!!!Thank you, I needed to laugh today!!!!!
Hubs always goes in the other room and lets it rip...I guess he thinks I can't hear it. Nothing worse than farts under the blankets in bed.
Renowned Death Hag
We fart, we laugh, we control ourselves in public situations. We are able to make the distinction BUT I have been places with my children and someone farts (not even us necessarily) and there are the odd people in the group who are shocked and appalled that someone would do that. Relax already. It is funny and part of a healthy body!!! Let's celebrate flatulence, not belittle people who accidentally pass it sometimes. In my life, nothing is funnier than the fart - and that hasn't changed over the years.
Regards,
Tamie
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When you are dead, you don't know you are dead. It is difficult only for the others. It is the same when you are stupid.
Senior Death Hag
Probably one of the most wonderful feelings in the world (for me) is having a good fart after having had a severe bout of painful trapped wind!
Senior Death Hag
Great thread.
Renowned Death Hag
We just watched this movie this past weekend, Gunless. The outtakes are hilarious. Wait for the horse fart...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TStkUXGKX0g
Btw - this movie is very funny.
Regards,
Tamie
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When you are dead, you don't know you are dead. It is difficult only for the others. It is the same when you are stupid.
The fart scene in Blazing Saddles when they are all sitting around the campfire makes my dad laugh until he has tears in his eyes everytime. Farts are cheap entertainment.
Renowned Death Hag
Haha, yes I loved that scene too. I never understood why that particular part seemed to be sensored on TV?? With the junk that seems to make it on TV these days - in my opinion, far more offensive than a fart, but they would cut it out.
Regards,
Tamie
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When you are dead, you don't know you are dead. It is difficult only for the others. It is the same when you are stupid.
Death Hag of Legend
Cant beleive The Farting Preacher hasnt already made a visit to this thread!
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
Renowned Death Hag
My Mom told me that my Dad was burdened by excess night wind. My Mom told me when they went to sleep, especialy after my Dad ate sauerbraten, she would not stir during the night because she did not want to break the seal on the covers and experience a zephyr of methane.
I have another question regarding flatulence:
Why is it when you are a man and you are about to recieve fellatio for the first time from your new girlfriend; one minute after she starts you have to let a massive fart?
"Everybody is born, and everybody dies. Being born wasn't so bad , was it?"
Peter the Hermit
I think that has to be one of the most classic fart scenes ever.
Ever notice there's a great deal of farting on some "Family Guy" episodes? LOL
Blazing Saddles is a hilarious movie and so politically incorrect that it would never have been made in this day and time. I agree that Family Guy seems to contain lots of farting. Why is it that adults who have heard thousands of farts in their lifetime always giggle like elementary school kids when they hear someone fart?
One of the world's greatest mysteries...although one day in the store while I was standing in the checkout line, someone in front of me let one rip. Not one of those tiny squeaky ones; we're talking true thunder down under (but hey, at least the offending party had the decency to say "Excuse me"). Thank goodness no smell was emitted with it or we'd all been dead. I think, however, the look on the cashier's face was more amusing.
The thought of someone ripping off a fart that parts the hair of the person behind them and then says "excuse me" like they have some manners is hysterical to think about. The cashier's reaction would be priceless!
Death Hag of Legend
Im sure Ive mentioned this before somewhere on the forum but the question of why farts never lose humor value caused me to reflect anew upon these posits:
1. How would people consider farts if they could be seen but had no foul odor? Imagine a small colored cloud similar to a smoke bomb was emitted when you tooted. Everyone would be aware but there would be no negative olfactory consequence. Would people alter their diet to emit startlingly visual gaseous expulsions?
2. What if farts had a pleasing fragrance? If you ripped a huge and powerful one with an especially large volume would you alert others to the fact? I another person noticed and found it to be exceptionally pleasing would they inform others and instruct them to come hither to intimately experience the scent?
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
When presented with Pope Leo X's papal bull of excomunication, Martin Luther said something to the effect (I wish I could remember the exact quote) that he had learned more from the farting of pigs than from all of the edicts of the Church since Constantine.
Death Hag of Legend
Pigs farts. Religion. An amazing new miracle weight loss plan - The Diet of Worms.
Last edited by ichabodius; 02-24-2012 at 11:46 PM.
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
I swore I wasn't going to read or reply to this thread, then my husband reminded me of something...since he turned 50 he can smell up the whole 3 floors of the house....the old man farts are lethel....and no way am I sleeping in the same room with him after eatting shrimp pasta....run for the hills....doesn't matter if he's under the covers or not...just run.
Renowned Death Hag
Can't speak for the other women here but the "morning thunder" isn't exclusive to the menfolk.
Regards,
Tamie
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When you are dead, you don't know you are dead. It is difficult only for the others. It is the same when you are stupid.
Renowned Death Hag
I am right now looking at the spine of a book on my bookshelf written by Ben Franklin entitled Fart Proudly.
"Everybody is born, and everybody dies. Being born wasn't so bad , was it?"
Peter the Hermit
Renowned Death Hag
I am not hung up about farts, but I am civil enough not to share them if I can help it. Its not that I am ashamed to fart around folks, its just that I cannot force people to endure smells from my entrails.
I have been living with my present girlfriend for ten years and I still refrain from gassing around her when I can. However when I am asleep at night she says rumbling occurs on my side of the bed and I am mortified about this.
"Everybody is born, and everybody dies. Being born wasn't so bad , was it?"
Peter the Hermit
Oh lord...just hope he doesn't think to do the "dutch oven" thing with the bed covers! o.O
I had fish for dinner last night, and let's just say it's a good thing I only live with the cats, because I scared the sunrise out of them with the one I let go this morning.Can't speak for the other women here but the "morning thunder" isn't exclusive to the menfolk.
Last edited by PurrPurr; 02-25-2012 at 08:47 AM.
Renowned Death Hag
Ha ha!! As a kid we spent the night at my Uncle Bert's place and I was sleeping on the couch right outside their bedroom. Their siamese cat had crawled beneath their covers and was asleep. Uncle let out his beer/pizza/garlic sausage gas and the cat came out, choking and gasping. I was about 10 years old and laughed so hard I had to get up and go pee.
Regards,
Tamie
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When you are dead, you don't know you are dead. It is difficult only for the others. It is the same when you are stupid.
BAHAHAHAHA! That would've made an excellent Funny Cat Video!
This made me laugh so hard it hurt!!
I don't know which are worse: egg farts or beer farts. I guess it's a draw.
In our house it has been decided that the "old Man Farts" are the worst...lol...although I'm older then the old man he can kill a plant at 50 paces.
It's even funnier when they try to blame the dog/cat.
Speaking of which, my 11-year-old gray tabby occasionally passes silent ones that could curdle milk and peel paint. UGH,
My oldest cat is starting up with something...lol...time to change her food or something....lol...she's to cute to say get down you stink..lol
Lentil soup farts will probably give you the most bang for the buck.
Locally, there is the infamous "Handkaese mit Musik" (small round cheese with music), which is EXTREMELY pungent both going in and coming out. Served with chopped onions, it guarantees a splendid time for all. Worse than taco farts, and kind of like Chinese food farts in that once you have been done farting for about an hour, you feel like farting some more.
Egg farts are potent, but they don't even compare to White Castle farts. Their burgers aren't nicknamed sliders for nothing!
LOL, thanks for the heads up! Needless to say, Hamburger Helper may place a close second, depending on the flavor.
Renowned Death Hag
In my half century on the planet I have determined that in my case a bowl of warm cole slaw will produe the most gas.
"Everybody is born, and everybody dies. Being born wasn't so bad , was it?"
Peter the Hermit
Why is it when cats do it they sort of look around as if to say "what was that?"
They're trying to blame us.Why is it when cats do it they sort of look around as if to say "what was that?"
Found this classic while reading the Gross People thread. Talk about an interesting job interview, to say the least:
Last edited by PurrPurr; 02-28-2012 at 06:50 PM.
Death Hag of Legend
Oniony pig farts legal, court rules
http://www.thelocal.de/society/20111222-39675.html
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
Ah zeh Churmans, zey are a veddy zilly people!
Good catch Ich, I can't believe I missed that.
Death Hag
This has definitely been my experience.We had lentils yesterday and OMG, I almost ran out of the house to get away from myself!
LOL! I will have to ask my German husband about that!Locally, there is the infamous "Handkaese mit Musik" (small round cheese with music), which is EXTREMELY pungent both going in and coming out. Served with chopped onions, it guarantees a splendid time for all. Worse than taco farts, and kind of like Chinese food farts in that once you have been done farting for about an hour, you feel like farting some more.
Thanks for the heads up. Now I know to avoid lentils!
You'll soon starve if you avoid every food that we say makes stinky farts. My husband could drink water and it would make him fart. We call his asshole (no, not me, the other one) his pressure release valve.
LOL Mammy...that is funny. My Dad used to say...wasn't me, wasn't me...we'd say what? He'd say I didn't tell you to pull my finger...lol...and we didn't..lol TNT
Bahahahahaha! Don't worry, I'm not giving up salmon anytime soon
(If all else fails, he can always blame the dog
Administrator
hahah!
Men fart (and have no shame doing it).
Women poot (and feel a bit embarrassed when it happens).
Senior Death Hag
I have two farting stories. Actually I have more, but will tell two for now.
It was my first full time job. Second day. I arrive at work, and my boss, trying to be cool leans back in his chair, puts his feet on his desk and accidently rips a huge fart. I managed to contain myself for about five seconds, thinking about being fired for laughing, then I could hold it no more. I laughed until tears were running down my face. I said "What a tuba butt". He started laughing too, and I knew I was going to like working for him. We are still friends and he still refers to himself as tuba.
My second story came after I moved to South America. Many neighborhoods here have older retired type men who will stay awake at night and "guard" the area. Our guard liked to plunk his chair directly under our bedroom windows. He would wake us up farting all night long. My kids and I called him "Toots" One night, my boyfriend was spending the night. I was lying in bed awake, and he was sleeping next to me. Around 3am "Toots" ripped one and my boyfriend sat up in bed and told me I needed to go to the bathroom if I was going to do that. I kept protesting that I didnt do it, but he didnt believe me. Luckily I was exonerated when "Toots" ripped another one. My boyfriend was at the window in a milisecond yelling at "Toots" to keep his gas to himself, that people were trying to sleep. "Toots" took offense, my boyfriend went outside and the yelling woke up everyone in the neighborhood. "Toots" shoved my boyfriend, who unknown to "Toots" was a cop. "Toots" almost got arrested until I begged my boyfriend to let it go. I already stood out as the Gringa in the neighborhood. I didnt want to be known as the gringa who had "Toots" arrested for farting!
Renowned Death Hag
Since I have turned 45 I almost have a loud Ricola like burst first thing in the morning. Just like my old man.
"Everybody is born, and everybody dies. Being born wasn't so bad , was it?"
Peter the Hermit
Renowned Death Hag
Now I feel at home! I have an African Gray parrot who sounds like she has irritable bowel syndrome! She belches like a drunk sailor too!
I read that website and I'm laughing so hard I don't remember what I was going to post!
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