Naked, violent intruder Gregory Matthew Bruni

[johnny]

"In Florida, there are violent people, naked people, poopers and masturbators -- but rarely is one man the total package."

1. Got naked, climbed onto the victim's roof.
   
2. Attacked victim by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder.
   
3. Ran into victim' house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor.
   
4. Dodged bullets fired by victim.
   
5. Masturbated in the living room.
   
6. Rubbed clothes on his face in the victims' son's room.
   
7. Defecated on the floor in two places.
   
8. Drank the contents of the vacuum.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/0...ef=mostpopular

[MirrorDimly]

Sounds a little like bath salts, but less violent and more comical...?

[Dangitbawb]

Wow... looks like the next crazy person is trying to out do the last crazy person!

[MiraculousMandarin]

My dad doesn't half ass anything, ok!?

[atomicbettie]

lmao MM!

He drank the vacuum contents?? What is wrong with me that I think that is the craziest thing of all??

[racingfan]

Lol -- this has to be one of the best thread titles ever!

[Rosebud666]

All-around talents like this are so rare these days, and apparently he's even faster than a speeding bullet.

[Upset]

Look, I don't mind if you want to break into my house, get naked, poop, and masturbate. But violence? That's where I draw the line!

[Rosebud666]

Look, I don't mind if you want to break into my house, get naked, poop, and masturbate. But violence? That's where I draw the line!

If some sources are to be believed, that's what we here in Europe call just another Saturday night.

[MiraculousMandarin]

lmao MM!

He drank the vacuum contents?? What is wrong with me that I think that is the craziest thing of all??

How do you drink vacuum contents? Wet/dry vac? Maybe he made a soothing sleepy time tea out of it?

[cindyt]

A dust smoothie, of cource.

[Rosebud666]

How bad of a shot was that housewife and how many bullet holes did she make in her living room wall?

This is why you need a backup weapon strapped to your ankle at all times. Even when you are in the bedroom with your husband at . . . ehm . . . 7.00 PM? I guess they like to turn in early.

[TaupinJohn]

"In Florida, there are violent people, naked people, poopers and masturbators -- but rarely is one man the total package."

1. Got naked, climbed onto the victim's roof.
2. Attacked victim by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder.
3. Ran into victim' house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor.
4. Dodged bullets fired by victim.
5. Masturbated in the living room.
6. Rubbed clothes on his face in the victims' son's room.
7. Defecated on the floor in two places.
8. Drank the contents of the vacuum.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/0...ef=mostpopular

As you do.

[pwem]

LOL @ all of you.

All I have to say is someone sure had a bizzy day.

[johnny]

1. Got naked, climbed onto the victim's roof.
2. Attacked victim by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder.
3. Ran into victim' house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor.
4. Dodged bullets fired by victim.
5. Masturbated in the living room.
6. Rubbed clothes on his face in the victims' son's room.
7. Defecated on the floor in two places.
8. Drank the contents of the vacuum.

I gotta admit, I wonder what he planned to do for #9?

[Rosebud666]

1. Got naked, climbed onto the victim's roof.
2. Attacked victim by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder.
3. Ran into victim' house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor.
4. Dodged bullets fired by victim.
5. Masturbated in the living room.
6. Rubbed clothes on his face in the victims' son's room.
7. Defecated on the floor in two places.
8. Drank the contents of the vacuum.

I gotta admit, I wonder what he planned to do for #9?

After all that, the Russian judge only awarded him a 2.5.
You vant berserk? We show you now berserk . . . . Dimitri! sdelatʹ!

[Mammy]

amateur

[MiraculousMandarin]

After all that, the Russian judge only awarded him a 2.5.
You vant berserk? We show you now berserk . . . . Dimitri! sdelatʹ!

They are sticklers for both technique and emotion.

[Rosebud666]

Yeah, the overall level of technical difficulty wasn't very high, although he did seem to maintain a nice through line from one part of his performance to the next. I bet the American judge gives him at least 3-5 . . . months if not years.

[Nelliebean]

I'd be mad at the crapping in the house.

[ChicagoBorn]

lmao MM!

He drank the vacuum contents?? What is wrong with me that I think that is the craziest thing of all??

Was it a shop vac? You could drink anything coming out of my regular vac!

[SomeChick]

I think the craziest thing of all would be drinking the contents of the vacuum, barfing it up, vacuuming it up and drinking it again.

[johnny]

I think the craziest thing of all would be drinking the contents of the vacuum, barfing it up, vacuuming it up and drinking it again.

of course, he would then have to 'poop' it out to complete the circle.

i wonder if he made a list up prior to go by?

1. Got naked, climbed onto the victim's roof. CHECK
2. Attacked victim by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder. CHECK
3. Ran into victim' house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor. CHECK
4. Dodged bullets fired by victim. CHECK

okay, what's left to do ....oh yeah almost forgot:

1. Masturbated in the living room.
2. Rubbed clothes on his face in the victims' son's room.

Man, this is harder then I thought...what's left on the list, oh shit almost forgot!

1. Defecated on the floor in two places.

Whooosh, now what can i do to top this...do I dare? Oh what the hell, I am so going for it

1. Drank the contents of the vacuum.

Now, let some SOB try and top that!!!!!

[Bidmor]

I think the craziest thing of all would be drinking the contents of the vacuum, barfing it up, vacuuming it up and drinking it again.

That's known as re-cycling.

[findadeathaddict]

lmao

funniest shit on FAD in quite some time

of course, he would then have to 'poop' it out to complete the circle.

i wonder if he made a list up prior to go by?

1. Got naked, climbed onto the victim's roof. CHECK
2. Attacked victim by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder. CHECK
3. Ran into victim' house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor. CHECK
4. Dodged bullets fired by victim. CHECK

okay, what's left to do ....oh yeah almost forgot:

1. Masturbated in the living room.
2. Rubbed clothes on his face in the victims' son's room.

Man, this is harder then I thought...what's left on the list, oh shit almost forgot!

1. Defecated on the floor in two places.

Whooosh, now what can i do to top this...do I dare? Oh what the hell, I am so going for it

1. Drank the contents of the vacuum.

Now, let some SOB try and top that!!!!!

[The Lucky One]

i was hoping for more....

[Rosebud666]

i was hoping for more....

What should he do when he comes to your place? Maybe he takes requests.

[VeuveClicquotNJ]

The Aristocrats!

"In Florida, there are violent people, naked people, poopers and masturbators -- but rarely is one man the total package."

1. Got naked, climbed onto the victim's roof.
2. Attacked victim by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder.
3. Ran into victim' house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor.
4. Dodged bullets fired by victim.
5. Masturbated in the living room.
6. Rubbed clothes on his face in the victims' son's room.
7. Defecated on the floor in two places.
8. Drank the contents of the vacuum.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/0...ef=mostpopular

[MiraculousMandarin]

What should he do when he comes to your place? Maybe he takes requests.

It would probably be entertaining if he came in and tazed himself a few times. Or maybe just put his toungue in an electrical outlet.

[Bidmor]

Oh well, self abuse is better than no abuse at all.

[Bidmor]

Wilder than a peach orchard boar

[SomeChick]

i was hoping for more....

Well, you could always write to him in jail, inviting him over when he's released.

[MiraculousMandarin]

I'm trying to imagine what my reaction would be after waking up in jail, really hungover, with no recollection of what happened the night before, while some police officer explained the charges against me. Lol

[Mammy]

LOL, especially if you woke up with dried shit all over you.

[MiraculousMandarin]

LOL, especially if you woke up with dried shit all over you.

And a really, really bad taste in your mouth. Haha

[Mammy]

Yep, REALLY bad! Those dust bunnies would dry a person out. Lol

[johnny]

I'm trying to imagine what my reaction would be after waking up in jail, really hungover, with no recollection of what happened the night before, while some police officer explained the charges against me. Lol

it'll be like

"Oh hell no, I did what?"

[atomicbettie]

The Aristocrats!

lmao

[atomicbettie]

I'm trying to imagine what my reaction would be after waking up in jail, really hungover, with no recollection of what happened the night before, while some police officer explained the charges against me. Lol

Oh he's a carnie. That's probably just Thursday to him.

[RobinTMP]

The Aristocrats!

*standing ovation*

(And if you haven't seen the movie, run right out & rent it, OK?)

[Alanwench]

He came, he soiled,he shop- vacced.

[Leasie]

You all are killing me here....LMFAO.

Damn, she couldn't get a good shot on a guy taking a poop and masturbating? He must have been quick.

[atomicbettie]

lmao really! like was he yanking it while running around dodging bullets?? what a picture this story paints!

[Wendy A.]

Almost sounds like that Smiles drug that movie star guy was on that ripped that cat to shreds and killed his landlady.
I wonder if he's getting called names like The Mad Crapper in jail?

[Squishy]

Yeah. Moved down here from Chicago wanting warm weather, 9 months of summer, palm trees, no snow to shovel, and this shit greets me! I try to keep my exposure to the news minimum. This place is paradise! People go here for vacation! Why are the natives so freakin' weird?

[Dangitbawb]

Maybe getting shot at caused him to crap on the floor...?

[Mammy]

Wonder if he was flogging his dolphin before or after getting shot at?

[Squishy]

Wonder if he was flogging his dolphin before or after getting shot at?

LMAO! Snort! Maybe he wiped his ass with a towel embroidered with a palm tree after shitting on the floor!

[Mammy]

Kinda gives ya a tropical vibe, huh? Lol

[Squishy]

One of these days, I will get off my dead and dying and start a Weird Florida thread. Just start posting strange stuff that hits the news down here!