Reporter : What kind of plane is it? Johnny : Oh, it's a big, pretty, white plane with red stripes, curtains in the window and wheels. It looks like a big Tylenol.
Striker: Surely you can't be serious?
Rumack: I
am serious. And don't call me Shirley.
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How? How do you know I'm gay?
David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts, or any thing that my husband or oldest son does. <My husband is the straightest gay man I know.>I swear to God, I'll pistol whip the next guy who says shenaningans!
(
After a night of heavy drinking)
Lister: We're on a mining ship, three million years into deep space. Could someone explain to me, where the smeg I got this traffic cone!
Cat: Hey, it's not a good night unless you get a traffic cone. It's the policewoman's helmet and the suspenders I don't understand!