scared and need advice

[hoxharding]

I apologize right at the start.
I am being stalked and harassed at the apartment building I live in. Tonight I told the police and I am truly terrfied. I am scared that it will
get worse and wish I had kept my mouth shut.
The guy in question is very unbalanced. He has no impulse control,is agressive and has shown he is capable of violence.
His mother also lives in an apartment and encourages this. She is also buddies with the manager. Which is why me going to the manager led to no help.
Anyone have any advice? Something to get my mind of this? Man,this Halloween sucks.

[JefeStone]

call the police

[eca1094]

You need to move out. I don't know how your finanicial status is, but you still have to move out. You seem to be in serious danger.

[hoxharding]

I did, and they said they would warn him. I am also to dial 911 if he gets near me.
What is bad and I don't know if this is true. Supposedly his mother(who is dating the maintence guy) has the keys to get into any apartment she wants to. I am more afraid for my cat's wellbeing than mine.
It is crazy and I am not making this up. It sounds like it,but the whole thing
is true.

[Stonecold]

Wow! I hope this ends for you and this creep goes away. Some options:

Dial 9-11 as often as necessary. Have the Police talk to him, warn him. If you can, or if you have a place to go where you can stay, have the Police take you or escort you there. There is safety in numbers, have friends stay in or stay with friends. File a restraining order, if he violates it, he goes to jail. Video or record everything if you can.

[hoxharding]

Finances-non existant. This apartment are for people who have no money and is owned by HUD.

[MIZIZVOGUE]

Has he ever hurt you in any kind of way? Does he have a known mental illness?

[Stonecold]

Better yet, move to a new place.

[hoxharding]

Thanks for the advice. I might have to move in with my folks(they would not live that)

[hoxharding]

He has followed me and also been a window peeper at least twice. I complained and evidently(I have been told) His mother went about telling people I am 'dangerous and bi-polar'
I am none of those. Have anxiety problems,PTSD and depression. But I have never hurt anyone,ever.
He has tried to punch one woman here.
He has had extensive brain surgery and supposedly refuses to take his medication. He also shows signs of mental illness.

[Aries65]

Get a can of mace or pepper spray to carry with you. Maybe take up some karate or self-defense lessons - just in case that low-life tries to put a hand on you. Carry a baseball bat.

You need to make yourself more "I ain't taking your shit mutha-fucker" around him. A-holes like him THRIVE on intimidating people. I bet he's only like that around helpless women - around another man, he's a big time chickenshit.

[eca1094]

Just move in with your parents. I bet it is alot better than with what you have to go through. Than later get a different place My prayers are with you.

[eca1094]

Oh by the way to ARIES65 gave some good advice. She seems like a tough broad that had to deal with some of this shit before. So she knows what she is talking about. But do try to move out.

[disco]

get a big dog

[Gary]

shoot the bastard.....in the swimsuit area.

[Ms. K]

I know your parents won't like it, but please, for your own safety, move in with them, and find another place to live.

At the very least, can you send your cat to your parents' house until you can find somewhere else to live?

Oh, and your parents might surprise you. If they know you are being stalked and harassed, and that apartment management will do nothing about it since the mother of this shitbag is dating maintenance, and brags she can get keys to any apartment, and she's encouraging him? They may tell you that they would rather you be safe, and it's time to move in with them.

[Mrs. Watson]

ARies beat me to the baseball bat advice. Keep your keys & ID ON YOUR PERSON at all times as well, so if you have to run, you can without looking for anything.

[knothere]

call the management company that owns the building explain everything n get the building managerass fired n keep callin the police all the time on the stalker n pettin the courts n record every thing

[kelbons]

I agree with Aires, too. Pepper spray is relatively inexpensive and effective!

Please just BE CAREFUL!!! Take care of yourself!!!!

[knothere]

install unlok only loks inside ur doors n windows
get sun real big friends to hang out

[GhostWorld]

I agree with Knot, record EVERYTHING in a book or somewhere where you won't lose it.

[knothere]

if ya can get his fukin ass kiked and or hauled of to jail or the hoo hoo bin
i ment to type petition a judge to keep the fuker away n heel hafta move n he wont b able to visit mommy

[knothere]

its ur god given rite to protect urself and ur loved ones u have everyextent of the law at ur dissposale
hmm know any bikers lol

[knothere]

even if u move charge him

[Guest]

You can get a decent slide lock for about $30 at any hardware store. Also maybe having someone come stay with you for a couple days, or possibly staying on the phone a little more then your used to. A bullhorn is great to have. They are loud and probably would scare teh hell out of anything. Pepper spray is good.

[djdeath-hag]

I hope that you feel a little bit better with so much good advice. You're gonna be o.k. if you take some steps to give you peace of mind...keep us posted. Worst case...we'll all convene & deal out some deathhag justice! Hugs~Dennis

[Noor 7ayaty]

Get a can of mace or pepper spray to carry with you. Maybe take up some karate or self-defense lessons - just in case that low-life tries to put a hand on you. Carry a baseball bat.

You need to make yourself more "I ain't taking your shit mutha-fucker" around him. A-holes like him THRIVE on intimidating people. I bet he's only like that around helpless women - around another man, he's a big time chickenshit.

[KELT]

1) If you're not keeping a journal as to the daily harassments inflicted by the shit, START keeping one.

2) Also, have your friends & family visit frequently which will let these cretins know just how many people are in your support corner.

3) The police cannot do a thing unless the creep has broken the law, threatened you with physical harm etc...

4) If you have an attorney, make him or her aware of the circumstances in case it should escalate........

[SIZE=3]Good Luck ! ! ! [/SIZE]

[Jaxxx]

LEAVE, GET OUT , DON'T STAY WHERE YOUR AT. Get away from that environment asap. Go to your folks, don't leave any forwarding address. God bless you, I pray for your safety. Stalking is against the law, where are the police!!!!!

[Noor 7ayaty]

Here's a great suggestion I got in the email, and it really works: If you have a more recent car, the kind where you can unlock the doors/trunk and cut on the alarm via a little pushbutton thingy that one usually puts on their car key ring, then try this: Keep your keys beside you at all times, especially when you retire for the night, and keep fresh batteries in your remote. If God forbid he tries to enter the apartment and sneaks in on you in the bedroom, hit the button to set off your car alarm, even if it isn't right beside your window; that signal can carry quite a few tens of feet with fresh/up-to-date batteries. My honey and I tried it from the other side of the house, which has very thick walls, and sure enough it works. If Scuzzball hears alarms going off, he knows people are coming to investigate it -- a situation attackers aren't looking for. Stalkers don't like company -- nor witnesses.

Also, if you are (again, God forbid) cornered by him via surprise, just remember ANY aerosol type of spray can be good for messing up his eyes -- just about anything in an aerosol can is highly irritating to eyes. It could buy you those precious seconds to get away.

Then I would serve a "Cease and Desist" letter (you can write your own, and just get a notary public to witness it) upon Mrs. Nasty Mouth/Imagination, and make it clear that you will not stand for her defamation, and if she even talked about conditions you DO have, she's still legally bound to stay the hell out of your business; health providers take HiPPA laws very, very seriously. You have privacy rights. Get a copy of your lease if you don't have one around, and see what are the conditions in which your home can be entered by management (have they legally agreed to giving tenants 24 hour notice before inspections, etc). Watch both the maintenence guy and his gal all you can and keep a diary of what homes you see him or them or her going into. If you see the non-employee woman going alone into anyone's apartment, note all the facts, then later consider discussing it with the tenants, possibly gathering allies to your side. If that woman is not co-maintenance nor employed with entry priviledges, then any home she enters, she is entering illegally! I think you could even argue legally that the maintnance guy himself by law shouldn't take a guest into other's homes -- even if it's a spouse. Laws vary by state; don't be surprised if you're able to find your state's laws online.

I know it's a lot but it can really help you to feel pro-active. If you're completely quiet and just try to avoid seeing them, they may interpret it as a sign of weakness. Stalkers want weak, quiet targets, not confident women who carry about billiards cases or bats or even a legal gun.

If your laundry room is located away from your apartment, get a buddy to go with you or consider a different laundramat. You don't want to spend extended periods of time in a location where it may be possible to corner you.

When your friends or neighbors visit, and the wackos are out and about, encourage others to jot down a note or two for your diary so that they corroborate your notes for that day. The more others witness things (as well as witnessing your possible uneasiness), your claim will carry even more weight.

If possible, always make sure you're home if/when they come inside your home if management does monthly pest control treatments. That's to discourage them from being tempted to look at more of your home than they need to in order to do pest control, which takes very little time in the first place, usually short minutes. Some maintenence people -- I hope they're a minority but both my folks and I have been ripped off by theiving mmen -- use Pest Control Day as an excuse to look around longer once they're inside, which is usually done during business hours, when a lot of folks aren't home.

Lastly, if possible, store your diary in the trunk of your car, so it won't be left on the premises during the day, for example if you work during the day. Don't think a good hiding job can't be found out; Moms would go to great lengths to hide certain things, like a new shirt; she rarely left that apartment we lived in at the time; yet within the week, it disappears, and the maintenece man's wife has the nerve to wear it right in front of her in the exact same week.

Stay safe and update when you can, OK?

PS -- If you're constantly nervous and creeped out about this, Jaxxx' advice is probably best!

[RoRo]

Hon you need to move! I'm sure you're parents would rather you be safe and ALIVE!!
Do what everyone is saying...
1) Keep a journal with everything, no matter how small in it and make sure you use dates AND times
2) If you have a video or tape recorder keep it with you and reay to go
3) Get the pepper spray and carry it in plain sight sohe knows you aren't unprotected
4) When going in and out, take your keys and put one between each finger and make a fist so you are ready to hit if need be, even if you don't hit, the keys can scratch and give you extra minutes
5) When you leave place a small piece of paper or string in the door jamb where it can't be seen easily except by you, but if someone enters it will fall and you will know
6) Get the restraining order
7) get one of those air horns like people have at football games and use it if he bothers you so people will look and see
8)If possible get people in the apartments to write affadavits about him and his mom ..if they harrass you then they are probably doing it to others

I hope your situation improves and please please be careful!!

[onehunglow]

shoot the bastard.....in the swimsuit area.

That will enrage him. Get a man stopper with a wad cutter or hollow point. A gun store will set you up. I like the 45 ACP but shoot for the heart. Take the lessons. The streets are lined with those that did not defend themself. The second he comes through your door you have a spit second choice of which one of you goes to the slab. My Wife carries a 9mm and I use my 45 and all my kids carry. I tought my kids about weapons before they could walk. The other option is keep boiling water on the stove and give him a hot bath. But he may be back.

[Death Hag Chris]

I say get a gun!!!

[Jason]

Yeah move out and in with the folks... get back on your feet and then find a new place.

[Danny62]

shoot the bastard.....in the swimsuit area.

Good Idea!!!! In the damn crotch. I am sure that would do the trick!!!!

[amaranthaseven]

Great advice from everybody. I know a restraining order is pretty flimsy, but it gives the cops back-up if you feel the need to call them, since it's a legal document with a judge's backing. File as much paperwork as you can- be a "squeaky wheel". I'd say document, document, document, including filing a complaint with HUD. They have you in an unsafe situation, and they need to at least have some written documentation to that effect. If they have any investment in the building, they need to know that someone on the staff there (and theoretically getting paid for it), is handing out keys to people who shouldn't have them (this creep's mother). If HUD or the authorities don't listen, this is the sort of scandal/story that investigative reporters love. Tip one of the local ones off. A little bad publicity can do wonders.

I think the bottom line is you want to be as vocal as you can about the situation, so that people know you're in trouble. This guy is counting on intimidating you into silence. The more people who know about it, the better. I'm so sorry you have to deal with him- obviously, the apple didn't fall far from the tree, if his mother is that whacked out!

Hugs,
Amy

[joplinfrk]

I feel for you and I know it's scary. During the summer of '94 I was stalked by someone who had a brain injury and just "didn't get it". This person would walk three miles in 118 degree heat just to see me at work. Finally, I had the manager have this person removed. You really can't take chances with someone who has brain "issues", you don't know what they're capable of doing. I'll put a circle of protection around you. Be strong, you'll get through this. I promise.

[beautygirlsmom]

You've gotten such great advice already, so I'll just tell you to be careful, arm yourself, don't let him make you a victim or a prisoner, and don't be afraid to call police on his scary ass.

[Bake]

I did, and they said they would warn him. I am also to dial 911 if he gets near me.
What is bad and I don't know if this is true. Supposedly his mother(who is dating the maintence guy) has the keys to get into any apartment she wants to. I am more afraid for my cat's wellbeing than mine.
It is crazy and I am not making this up. It sounds like it,but the whole thing
is true.

Change your lock and don't tell them!
you only need to change one of them. I changed my deadbolt on my apt. I didn't want anyone going in when I wasn't there, I didn't care if they needed my permission or not!
If you change just one of the locks and they try to get in with their keys, they won't be able to. If they are dumb enough to ask you about it, then you'll know they have tried. it will give you a little feeling of security.
Get a canister of pepper spray and KEEP IT WITH YOU at all times, put it next to you at night while your sleeping.
Keep a notebook with notes and dates on EVERYTHING. You will need this.
Call the cops...and call the cops...did I say...call the cops?
I was stalked for over 15 years. I was stalked before there were stalking laws....mine, thankfully, did not turn dangerous...but its still very scary.
And MOVE...Unlist your phone numbers....keep yourself safe.
If I can be of any help or give you any ideas...please email me.

[Bake]

And also, I'm sorry I forgot, if you do what I recommended, you have to remember to do things like give a false forwarding address to your current apartment manager, etc. Remember to cover all bases so that he can't track you down. If he knows where you work, which would be unfortunate, you have to ensure that when you leave work each day you take strange routes home and ensure you aren't being followed. Drive through residential neighborhoods and make stops in front of random houses to watch for a few minutes, etc.

Make sure you call the police in the city you work in as well as your home city.
My stalker was on probation in the city I lived in...but he could hassle me at work...I had to start ANOTHER case there in that city.

[Gardner32]

Finances-non existant. This apartment are for people who have no money and is owned by HUD.

Speak to HUD representatives about this.

[Gardner32]

Great advice from everybody. I know a restraining order is pretty flimsy, but it gives the cops back-up if you feel the need to call them, since it's a legal document with a judge's backing. File as much paperwork as you can- be a "squeaky wheel". I'd say document, document, document, including filing a complaint with HUD. They have you in an unsafe situation, and they need to at least have some written documentation to that effect. If they have any investment in the building, they need to know that someone on the staff there (and theoretically getting paid for it), is handing out keys to people who shouldn't have them (this creep's mother). If HUD or the authorities don't listen, this is the sort of scandal/story that investigative reporters love. Tip one of the local ones off. A little bad publicity can do wonders.

I think the bottom line is you want to be as vocal as you can about the situation, so that people know you're in trouble. This guy is counting on intimidating you into silence. The more people who know about it, the better. I'm so sorry you have to deal with him- obviously, the apple didn't fall far from the tree, if his mother is that whacked out!

Hugs,
Amy

Sorry, didn't see this one, my thoughts exactly!

[hoxharding]

Thanks for all the advice-I barely slept all night.
Ok, I spoke to the coordinator here and then to the manager. I told her what the women told me. I had to because I have been a mess since last night.
The manager keeps telling me the guy is harmless. For that, I am going to start recording notes and keeping my cell on hen I am alone. Because I don't believe it.
Anyway, I told her what they told me about how I was told about supposedly the
maintence guy can come in. How scared I was about the idea that he would harm my cat(and me)
She brought in the coordinator and I repeated what I said. She wrote it down and I signed it. She swore on her job that it will never happen and Frankie and I are safe.
The women were made to go to some meeting. The manager said something about how the women are going to be charged by the maintence guy or something.
The manager said the women played on my fear to upset me.
Sorry this is rambling, not much sleep and I woke up with a fever.
Btw, I apologized to the maintence guy for believing the women. He said he can't get involved with the situation. But he said he wasn't upset with me.

[RoRo]

Thanks for all the advice-I barely slept all night.
Ok, I spoke to the coordinator here and then to the manager. I told her what the women told me. I had to because I have been a mess since last night.
The manager keeps telling me the guy is harmless. For that, I am going to start recording notes and keeping my cell on hen I am alone. Because I don't believe it.
Anyway, I told her what they told me about how I was told about supposedly the
maintence guy can come in. How scared I was about the idea that he would harm my cat(and me)
She brought in the coordinator and I repeated what I said. She wrote it down and I signed it. She swore on her job that it will never happen and Frankie and I are safe.
The women were made to go to some meeting. The manager said something about how the women are going to be charged by the maintence guy or something.
The manager said the women played on my fear to upset me.
Sorry this is rambling, not much sleep and I woke up with a fever.
Btw, I apologized to the maintence guy for believing the women. He said he can't get involved with the situation. But he said he wasn't upset with me.

Sounds like a start but DO NOT LET your guard down! I'm not trying to scare you but you need to stay aware of him and his mom and keep yourself safe hon!! Email me if you ever want to and I will keep you in my prayers!!!

[Ree]

I am so glad to hear you took come action. Stay on top of it. I agree with RoRo, dont let your gaurd down...just in case. Stay safe. Doors and such locked at all times. Phone in hand. Better safe then sorry.

[knothere]

i keep a golf club with a badd attitude incase any one tries shit with me or mine

[ST Moron]

The manager keeps telling me the guy is harmless.

Well, it's not the manager's ass at risk: it's yours. I'm pretty calm myself if someone else's ass is on the line.

Have you talked to your folks about moving back in? Please do so. Right now. No kidding.

While I'm sure you're right about their groaning and grumbling about your moving back in with them, I'm also sure they'd never forgive themselves if something happened and you never gave them the chance to help you. Same deal with any friends you can stay with until you can find another place.

All the self-defense advice given so far is good, provided you actually have to stay there and are left with no other choice.

But the best self-defense advice I've ever gotten is: they can't hit you if you're not there. Which means you should be spending every spare minute working on a way to get out of there, rather than sticking around waiting for something to happen.

Worst case: can you borrow a dog from a friend for a while? Better yet: borrow a friend with a dog and have them both stay with you. The bigger the dog (and the friend) the better, but even small dogs are good at sensing danger and waking you up.

Barring that, get someone else to stay with you. The general idea here is that if you do have to stay (and have no other option) that you make yourself as difficult a target as possible.